A gentle answer- One Minute with Jay

a gentle answer

A gentle answer is the key to working successfully through stress or a stressful situation.

That first reaction cannot be off the cuff, on a whim, or even tailored to the situation itself.

Often your first reaction is wrong once you gather all the details and learn what is actually going on.

This holds true when people come to you and are angry about something. Personally my reaction is to become mad right with them.

But I have learned that I have to take time to get all the facts and find out where the anger is coming from. When you do this you will be surprised how you could have misjudged the whole scenario.

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  1. Jay
    How true your words are. As someone who tends towards anger pretty often, your article serves as a reminder to curb my initial reaction, think calmly and collect all details before answering.
    How I wish I could master this way of operating all the time.
    I fully understand the concept of the energy you put out there is what you get in return, but sometimes I let myself down.
    It’s an ongoing challenge.

    1. Hi Ann,

      It’s okay to let yourself down. All that tells me is that you have standards but do not beat yourself up too much. You’re human and it will be a process. Realizing it is a great step forward.

      If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.


  2. Hi Jay,
    I’ve been dealing with many different personalities at work and I must admit it was hard at some point to stay calm and polite. Some people have a way to make you feel small. However, in some situations, I can remember thinking I was right to feel anger. But the consequences made me realize that my angry reaction made everything worst.
    It’s really hard to understand what’s in someone else’s mind. Things get even more confusing especially when our own feelings get in the way. Over time I tend to always step back and listen as if I was observing the conversation between 2 people. It helps determine what’s hidden behind harsh words and it’s usually misperceptions.
    Gentle answers are definitely the best way to de-escalate the situation.

    1. Hi Carolyn,

      I like your strategy to observe the conversation. It’s hard to do, especially when someone appears to be intentionally pushing your buttons. Patience and experience are put on display when you use this strategy. If you can observe long enough it’s almost like regaining your power over your emotions because you are not letting them control you.


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